It's ever so hard to accept the death of someone, especially if that someone is the only brother you had, the one with whom you grew up, the one who in spite of being 14 months older was always younger than you... one who had such an aura of beauty that to me he was always innocent and untouchable... one whose twinkling blue eyes are forever focussed on mine... one who I feel within forever for what is left of my life... one whose face, eyes, smile, laughter and expression I see every time I look at my son... it's as if he is with me forever, and yet, I miss him sorely, in a manner that I cannot explain and which is hard for others to understand, and honestly I am not expecting anyone to understand. This is the legacy that binds Anton and me.
Anton...
If only I gently could wake you,
Persuade you, convince you to stay,
I'd give all I have to be able
To touch you, to hold you, and pray:
Yes, pray this is merely a nightmare,
A passage of time so surreal -
Yet no, for the Truth knocks my senses
To tell me my hurt will not heal.
How could you not wait some more moments?
Why leave me with arms open wide?
How could you not hope for more greatness
Instead of this dark great divide?
I've lost that sweet kernel so joyful,
The core of this pain'd heart of mine;
It beamed o'er our days spent together
In darkness it always would shine.
Our bond has been frightfully shatter'd,
Leaving fragments so wrought up with pain;
And back I go reeling to weariness,
To times when I drowned in the rain.
How could you, I ask you, forever...
I can't cry for lacking more tears;
How can I face my dreary future
So hounded, surrounded with fears?
I guess I might have an answer
Some day when my own time is due;
Rest gently in your peaceful slumber,
Knowing always I love you so true.
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